Even
by blackwolfmajik
Summary: Darkness grips the heart of the Hellsing organization and everyone has to strike a balance between picking up the pieces and the drive for vengeance. (Alucard & Integra, mild Seras & Walter - T for now, but rating may go up. This should be longer than my normal stories and be warned: it's super angsty...) Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Hellsing – Even (Integra + Alucard)**

**Soundtrack: **_Junkyard (Saw 3D score) - Charlie Clouser _(I actually wrote this chapter first and then got lucky to find a song that fit so well)

****DISCLAIMER:** Insert standard disclaimer here – I own nada!

**AN:** This is intended to be a bit longer than my normal fare (multiple chapters even!), but only if there is interest. Be warned, there is _a lot_ of angst and misery ahead...  
Reviews make me stronger so please let me know what you think!

* * *

The ghoul's skull crunched with a meaty noise, prompting a wicked grin to creep across Seras' face. Slinging the customized rifle over her shoulder, the young vampire looked through the shambling mob to choose her next target.

No sooner had she thought the night would go without a hitch, the bottom fell out of the world.

The mental link with her master tore open, causing her to stagger against the wall from the onslaught of his incandescent rage. Clutching her head, Seras started running; knocking ghouls out of the way with no more regard than the rotted furniture.

It wasn't the fact that her master was angry that made her worried, it was the unfamiliar taste of his panic that had come with it.

Sliding around the final corner, Seras came to a halt in what had been the manor's dining hall.

Precious moments were spent trying to puzzle out what she was seeing as her brain stubbornly refused to put the pieces together.

Blood and ghoul parts were everywhere, as if a bomb had gone off and painted the room with gore. Chairs had been smashed to kindling or thrown completely out of damaged windows. Tapestries and decomposed carpets were stained with all manner of bodily fluids, making the room reek with filth and gunpowder.

In the center of the devastation crouched the vampire king, his long hair an angry black mass that snapped and shifted protectively over him.

Not seeing any enemy larger than a twitching hand, Seras frowned in confusion.

"Master?"

A hellhound rose from the seething darkness and roared at her, rows of sharp teeth gleaming like blades.

Seras froze, instinctual terror clogging her senses. After a moment, she mastered her fear and tried to reach out with her mind. She flinched at the scalding chaos she found, the frantic swirl of images more disturbing than her sire's defensive posture.

_Master, please!_

Slowly, a bone-white face emerged out of the shadows.

Eyes wide, Seras swallowed hard. She had never seen Alucard so close to losing total control before. His humanity was nothing but a thin veneer stretched over the Beast that glared at her from a thousand scarlet eyes.

"Master?" she asked timidly, hands held out from her body to be non-threatening. "Master, I'm here to help. What happened?"

The elder vampire turned his head toward her voice, but there was no sense of recognition. A deep warning growl rumbled as his arms tightened around something clutched to his chest.

"Oh, _God_!" Covering her mouth in anguish, Seras took a reflexive step forward. "What did y—"

Alucard's shadows reacted instantly: knocking her back into a wall before she even saw them move.

Coughing around a pair of broken ribs, Seras held her hand out to ward off further attack

"Master, I won't...won't take her from you, I-I swear it! But we should leave. We...need to take her home before more ghouls come."

As if summoned, the sound of breaking glass and painful moaning echoed from down the hall. Time was running out.

"Master!" Seras cried desperately. "Master, we need to take Sir Integra back to Hellsing!"

Ruby orbs widened slightly and a thread of sanity returned to their gaze. _Police Girl?_

_Yes, Master! We have to go!_

Alucard tipped his head slightly, listening to the shuffling approach of the enemy.

_MAST-_

_Shut up, Police Girl. I heard you._

Relieved tears stung Seras' eyes as she used the wall to help herself stand. Her ribs were repairing quickly, but they were still tender to the touch.

Alucard, careful not to jostle the woman in his arms, raised himself up from the floor as easily as a marionette on strings. The side of the building exploded into rubble and shattered glass as his familiars jumped to obey his unspoken command.

Striding through the settling dust and into the night, the elder vampire's coat split into vast leathery wings. Tossing a quick glance at his childe, Alucard said: "Keep up."

Like a gargoyle of old, the vampire king leaped into the air and raced for home.

* * *

**AN:** Don't hate me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hellsing – Even (Integra + Alucard) - Chapter 2**

**Soundtrack: **_Evey Reborn (V for Vendetta OST) - Dario Marianelli_

****AN:** Insert standard disclaimer here – I own nada!

So, what do you think so far? Remember: reviews make me stronger!

* * *

_"Father?"_

Strong arms tightened around her protectively.

_"Father, I had a terrible nightmare._

_"I dreamed I was dead…"_

Fingers brushed through her hair, soothing against her troubled brow.

Integra snuggled deeper into her father's embrace, resting her head on his chest and searching for the familiar scents of tobacco and leather.

She smelled gunpowder.

Gunpowder and blood.

_No heartbeat…_

Integra's eyes snapped open.

Red.

Everything was _red_, as if the world had been bathed in scarlet paint.

Confusion fogged her sluggish mind as she tried to piece together where she was.

Extending out her fingers, the crimson sky wrinkled. _A blanket?_

The broad chest under her cheek felt cool as marble and just as firm. A body?

_I'm cuddling up to a _body_?_

Integra sat up too quickly, throwing the blanket off of her in the process. Abruptly lightheaded, she squeezed her eyes shut tightly from sudden dizziness.

She felt strong hands clasp her shoulders.

"Slowly now."

"Alucard?"

"It's me."

_That explains the all the red…_

"What is going on? And why am I—why are _you_ in my bed?"

Silence stretched and Integra became annoyed. She cracked her eyes open to glare at him but immediately regretted it.

Blinding sunlight was streaming through cracks in the heavy curtains, making spots dance in her vision.

_Wonderful, a migraine is just what I need to top of everything else._

_Can this day get any worse?_

Integra grimaced. "Answer me, servant!"

His normally rich voice was subdued. "I wished to see if you were hungry."

Now that he mentioned it, she was _starving_. It felt like her stomach was trying to gnaw through her backbone. She would have to see if Walter had restocked the larder with more bacon.

Maybe steak…

Integra shook her head to clear her thoughts. She pulled away from Alucard's grip, sliding her long legs off of the bed to stand up. She frowned at how weak and shaky she felt.

_Perhaps I am getting the flu?_

The mansion was quiet; the slanting sunlight told her it was late afternoon. Why had they let her sleep all day?

Walter should have been banging on the door with a pile of reports. Soldiers should have been bustling through the hallways like ants.

Their absence was unnerving.

"Where is everyone?" she demanded.

"I sent them away."

"Away? Whatever for? They have jobs to perform—"

"For safety reasons."

Integra's irritation was ramping up. "Safety?

"Yes."

The vampire king's odd behavior was adding to her unease, making her temper kindle like dry grass. Integra turned to where he had moved to sit on the edge of the bed, ready to blister him with her tongue.

She paused as she got a good view of him for the first time.

Alucard looked _terrible_.

An eternally vain creature, the vampire king had never allowed himself to look so disheveled in her presence before. Dark blood stained his shirt, highlighting the white of his skin through rents torn in the silk. His hair hung in limp tangles over his shoulders, shading the majority of his face from her gaze. His hat and glasses were missing, but his trademark coat was in place. As she watched, the crimson fabric shrank to its normal size since it no longer needed to accommodate two people. Alucard's gloved hands hung loosely between his knees, a bone deep weariness clear in every line of his body.

He looked beaten.

"What happened to you?" she asked, her previous exasperation defused by concern.

"Nothing." His face was calm, but she could feel the maelstrom of unsaid things at the edges of his words.

"Alucard!" Integra stepped forward, arms crossed in annoyance. A shy knock at the door derailed the tirade brewing in her mouth.

"Sir?"

"Come in, Seras. Perhaps _you_ can explain what the Hell is going on here."

Blanching paler than normal, Seras cast a quick glance at her master before shutting the door behind her.

"How are you feeling, Sir?" the young vampire asked.

"I'm perfectly fine! What I don't understand is what is going on with everyone else!" Fury wound tighter and tighter inside Integra, mixing with the hunger that seemed to grow more insistent by the moment. "_Someone_, better start talking _now_!"

The loud crack of splintering wood was like a gunshot in the sudden silence after her outburst. Integra looked down at the shattered side table with disbelief.

Slowly, she lifted her hand and watched the bloody scratches seal themselves, leaving her skin perfect again.

The vampires were stock still as Integra stared at each of them in turn, not daring to breathe.

Seras looked miserable, bloody tears sparkling in her eyes.

The vampire king's expression was locked down tight, giving no hints at all as to what he was feeling.

Turning toward the vanity mirror, Integra's hand crept up to the collar of her pajama top to pull the silk aside.

Twin puncture wounds marred the clean line of her throat.

Her reflection showed the dawning horror crawl across her face as she backed away.

"No…

"Please, Sir—" Seras started.

_"NO!"_

Integra's breath came fast, her thoughts scattered and useless.

_The sunlight, the hunger, the way Alucard didn't seem freezing cold—_

"Sir!"

More of the pieces clicked together, opening up memories from the night before that filled her mouth with bile.

"That was a _dream_!" Integra shouted, frantic to deny the truth.

She felt arms like bands of steel wrap around her as she started to claw at the damning bite mark.

"Sir! Please, Sir Integra!" Seras cried, trying to keep the raving woman from hurting herself further. _"Please stop!"_

Weak and newly made as she was, Integra's desperation gave her strength. The police girl was having trouble keeping her grip as elder woman struggled to reach for a weapon.

_"Master!"_

Integra screamed, a long ragged sound full of grief and rage that tore from the bottom of her soul.

Suddenly, Alucard filled her vision with ruby fire as he grasped her jaw firmly.

"_Integra_," his words were quiet, but she seized them like a lifeline. "_Stop_."

The vampire king stroked a thumb across her cheek as she slumped in Seras' arms, trembling. His voice was thick with regret: "I hope you can forgive me one day."

Integra's hoarse sobs echoed in Alucard's ears long after he fled the room.

* * *

**AN:** Oh, the _feels_, :(

One might think that this is a bit OOC for Integra, but this isn't like waking up to see you have a pimple on your nose or a few more grey hairs. It's traumatizing to realize you've suddenly become what you've spent every moment of your life hating.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hellsing – Even (Integra + Alucard) - Chapter 3**

**Soundtrack: **_What Came Before (Assassin's Creed III OST) - Lorne Balfe - (doesn't quite fit as well as I would like, but still has a good atmosphere)_

****AN:** Insert standard disclaimer here – I own nada!

Sorry this is a few days late from my regular posting schedule, but I was out of town for my niece's graduation from nursing school (so proud of her!).  
This chapter has been tweaked and diced more than a few times - I had trouble getting it to sync up in my head with what I wanted to show. I ended up cutting a big chunk out because I thought it should be saved for later, so this is shorter than originally expected.  
Just a heads up: June is going to be a super super busy month for me, so Chapters 4 and 5 might be a little delayed.

Remember: reviews make me stronger!

* * *

Walter stared at the sliced apple, watching juices leak out over the cutting board and drip into the sink. The strike of each droplet seemed to echo through the silence like a tolling bell.

The apple had been an unconscious choice: part of the snack tray he was preparing for Integra's evening tea. Something mundane, _normal_.

_But today isn't normal, is it? _a voice whispered through his mind. _Nothing will be normal from now on._

Something akin to anguish squeezed around his heart for a moment, but he crushed the emotion ruthlessly before it could show on his face. His wrinkled hand tightened its grip on the paring knife.

Integra was dead. But she was still herself, still his master.

Still a _Hellsing_.

Yet now she was more.

She was a monster.

Leaning against the counter, Walter sighed. It was bound to happen at some point. The occupation of vampire hunter did not lend itself to long lives.

He had just hoped he wouldn't be around to see it happen to _her_.

"Why?" he asked quietly.

The No-Life King didn't answer.

Alucard had already been in the kitchen when Walter arrived. The butler couldn't guess as to the reason.

He had expected the vampire to be anywhere else: with Integra, hiding in the dungeon, blowing fist-sized holes through a dozen targets on the firing range.

_Celebrating_, possibly.

Not sitting quietly at the table, waiting like an old man heading to the gallows.

Walter turned around, smothered grief sparking into anger. "Tell me," he demanded.

The words echoed hollowly in the room, but Alucard didn't respond.

With strength belying his age, Walter turned and snatched up the vampire king by his coat lapels.

"You _bastard!_" Walter's fury was a terrible thing as he growled into Alucard's face.

"It wasn't him," came a quiet voice from the doorway.

Startled, the butler looked to see Integra leaning on the wooden frame, her face gaunt but determined. Seras shifted nervously in the shadows behind her employer.

Alucard seemed to fold deeper into himself, as if collapsing under the weight of his master's presence.

"You should be resting, Sir Hellsing," Walter said, shooting a glance at the police girl.

"I will rest soon enough, but right now I want answers."

The butler finally processed what Integra had said earlier and looked at the vampire in surprise: "Wait, it _wasn't_…?"

"No."

Walter slowly released his hold on Alucard's coat, letting the taller man settle back onto his chair.

Silence filled the room. It blanketed the company like a thick miasma, full of unspoken things so heavy they should have left dents on the floor.

Vampire or not, Integra was true to her nature and forged ahead first: "What was his name?"

Alucard didn't answer right away. When he finally spoke, his voice was almost mechanical, stripped of emotion. "Maegor."

"What happened?"

The vampire king closed his eyes. "A mistake."

"Explain."

Alucard seemed unwilling to continue, but forced the words to come out. "He was a peasant boy from Walachia. His mother caught my interest for a time and he sought to avenge her. I took Maegor as a childe instead."

"He's like me?"

Alucard's face twisted into a mocking sneer. "No, Police Girl. Maegor has none of your soft sensibilities. He is cruel, sadistic and above all: patient. I released him as my servant not long after creation, one of many that I sent into the world to grow stronger. I had hoped that there would be a day that one of them would be powerful enough to challenge me.

"Most of my childer have met the True Death, but Maegor _excelled_ at being a vampire. He has learned much over the centuries, including how to keep himself cloaked from my senses. I thought he had perished in Athens, but it appears those reports were exaggerated…"

"And where were _you_?" Walter asked, his voice hard.

A muscle twitched in the vampire king's jaw. "Maegor had powerful childer of his own, he used them to keep me distracted."

"You should have called for backup if you knew he was that dangerous!"

"And you would have been destroyed, Police Girl. Until you are stronger, you would be nothing more than easy prey for one such as him."

Seras trembled with helpless anger, fists tight at her sides as she glared at her shoes.

Silence reigned in the room once more, then there was the familiar click of a lighter.

Integra drew on her cigar, letting the fragrant smoke fill her lungs.

"Alucard, look at me."

Ruby eyes finally dragged themselves from the varnished table top to meet hers.

The indomitable spirit he had always admired was burning through the haunted shadows in her gaze.

"Tell me what we can expect to happen and what his weaknesses are. Maegor may have started this, but I will _finish_ it and I don't want any more surprises."

-o-

_I saw her picture._

_Whose?_

_The King's Whore. It was on Master's desk._

_What were you doing there? You know we're not—_

_I was servicing the Master, of course._

_Turkish slut!_

_You're just jealous that he is tired of you and your dried up—_

_Sisters, this is not the time for petty squabbles. We should be celebrating._

_Celebrating? You're not the least bit worried about his latest conquest?_

_Why should we be? She isn't a conquest so much as a tool for the Master's schemes. Truly, both of you are being foolish. I am as much threatened by the Whore as I would be of a half-starved rabbit._

_I don't know...if the King is under her spell..._

_She has him _blood bound_; that is hardly fair play._

_True, but if she was strong enough to catch him—_

_The King is _old_, Sister. Age and boredom can rot even the best minds._

_Well, I know _I_ have nothing to worry about. From her picture, the Whore is flat as a board and dresses like a man!_

_Like a man?_

_She even has a cravat and everything. Maybe she's not really a woman?_

_Well, we shall see for ourselves soon enough..._

* * *

**AN:** _There's_ the Iron Queen Integra we know and love...


	4. Chapter 4

**Hellsing – Even (Integra + Alucard) - Chapter 4**

**Soundtrack: **

_ \- Assassinate the Target (Assassin's Creed - Revelations OST) -  
\- Of Life and Death (Assassin's Creed - Revelations OST)  
__ \- - (couldn't find a good one that fit all the parts - suggestions are welcome!)_

****AN:** Insert standard disclaimer here – I own nada!

I had some trouble with this one, some good ideas but I was worried they would drag out too long.

Remember! Reviews make me stronger!

* * *

The targets were mocking her.

Integra scowled at the spread of perfect holes across the paper.

"You would think being a vampire would make me better at this."

The rich and bitter laugh behind her only added to her frustration.

"You have to relearn how to shoot. Human reactions are slow, so you compensate by adjusting your aim. Now you are faster, you have to adjust back the other direction. It took Police Girl months to get used to her new reflexes."

"We don't have months. If what you say about Maegor is true, we might not even have days." Integra's scowl deepened as she blasted another half dozen holes through the paper silhouette. The grouping was closer, but still not up to her standards.

A gloved hand closed around hers and plucked the SIG from her fingers. Before she could growl in protest, a different pistol was set in its place and her fist wrapped tightly around the cold metal.

Alucard's Casull was twice the size of any gun she had ever fired; the grip alone nearly dwarfed her delicate hands.

"You expect me to shoot this?"

"Of course. I think you will find that it is a weapon more fitting to your new abilities."

Integra's lips twisted in a grimace as she hefted the over-sized pistol and sighted down the barrel.

"Do you know how expensive the rounds are for this thing?" she grumbled.

"Believe me, they are worth every shilling."

Integra blew a deep sigh, set her feet and carefully squeezed the trigger.

The Casull sounded like a cannon in the deserted shooting range. Though she was prepared for it, the recoil still slid her backward into a wall.

A wall wearing a Victorian trench coat.

Integra glared up at the elder vampire, but he didn't offer any comment beyond a slight smirk.

"Must you loom all the time?"

His expression faded. "If I had, you would not be like this."

She still wasn't ready to process the guilt simmering in his ruby gaze, so she turned back down the range to line up the next paper target. "Perhaps not. But crying about it now won't make me human again."

The Casull barked through a full clip, punching fatal holes in the silhouette 50 yards away.

"Enough," Integra growled. "Why are we here?"

"You have had a lot to deal with already today, I thought something familiar might help you focus."

"Right now, all it is doing is making me angry. I know very well how to shoot. Teach me something else," she handed him back his pistol. "Something I don't know."

"As you wish," he said simply and broke her arm.

* * *

Seras looked at the shovel as her companion rummaged through the potting shed.

"I was going to ask if there was something the matter, but I believe that I can guess."

The young vampire bit her lip, turning to meet Walter's knowing gaze. She mused that the lines around his mouth and eyes looked deeper than she remembered.

"In answer to your silent question: Yes, I dug the earth for your own coffin when you arrived at the Hellsing estate."

Seras squirmed, feeling strangely guilty about how she had acted during her first nights as a Draculina. "I never thanked you for that, did I?"

"You were part of the household, it was my duty and I didn't mind."

"But weren't you a vampire hunter? Didn't you have a moment…well, a time that you hated having to serve one?"

The butler paused.

"That was a long time ago. I've come to understand that not all monsters have fangs." He leaned over and tapped the tip of her nose with a gloved finger, "and not all of those with fangs are monsters."

Startled, Seras blushed pink. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Think nothing of it, Miss Victoria."

Chewing her lip again, the young vampire glanced up at the mansion. "Do you think Sir Integra will be ok?"

Walter sighed, running his hands over his tightly bound hair to smooth it out.

The nervous gesture did little to settle her anxieties, but Seras waited for his reply.

"Not for a long time I fear," he said finally with a sigh. "But until she does, woe to the enemies of England while she works out her frustrations."

Walter was pleased to see Seras smile.

"I think we should head to the rose garden, the flowers give the earth a sweeter scent."

* * *

Integra grit her teeth and tried not to pass out. She wanted to scream, but refused to give the twice cursed vampire the satisfaction.

"Your body is a frame of mind, it is only as physical as you believe. Picture your arm as it should and always has been: slender, straight, lithe muscles, blood vessels like branching webs under the smooth skin…" Alucard's voice was infuriatingly calm; almost sensual, while she writhed in agony.

Try as she might, the shrieking pain sliced through her focus, making it impossible to concentrate.

"I—it's too—" She curled up on her side, afraid she would be sick. The movement pulled twisted muscles to fresh heights of suffering and she moaned in agony.

Alucard took off his hat, and used it to hide the grotesque angle of her shattered forearm. Grasping her chin, he forced her to look at him. "You can do it, Integra. There isn't any pain at all, your arm is just as it was before. Your arm is fine."

"Goddamn you! My arm _isn't_ fine!"

The vampire's pale face narrowed with disapproval. "Such _language_ from a Lady."

_"FU-"_

"The more time you waste cursing at me, the longer you will be in pain. Now _focus_!"

Integra bit down on her snarled reply so hard she tasted blood.

"Your arm is fine," Alucard repeated calmly.

"My…my arm is… fine," she stammered, furious tears glittering in her eyes.

"Your arm is_ fine."_

"My arm…is fine."

_"Your arm is fine."_

_"My arm is fine!"_

And it was.

The blinding pain was changing, becoming something more like the prickle of pins and needles.

Integra had seen Alucard regenerate himself on many occasions. The way his flesh, and even his clothes, knit back together like a time-lapse photo was both horrifying and fascinating at the same time.

Looking down at where her arm disappeared under the cover of Alucard's hat, she imagined the chips of bone being ushered back into place by snakes of corded muscle, blood cells tumbling back into the ruptured veins like swarms of ants-

_Stinging_ ants, if the burning tingle was any indication of what was going on-

A sharp crack made Integra hiss in pain, but Alucard held her arm still before she could snatch it away.

"Keep focus!" he admonished.

Integra bit her lip, and struggled to force the image of her undamaged arm to the forefront of her mind. She blocked everything out: the smell of spent gunpowder, her harsh breathing, his strong grip on her elbow…

Alucard moved his hat and revealed the perfectly straight line of her forearm.

Integra stared in amazement, her breath still short from exertion. She flexed her fingers and twisted her wrist to make sure everything was back in place. "That's incredible…"

"As I said: a true vampire's body is only as physical as they believe," the vampire king's tall and lanky form began to shrink. Moments later, standing in his place was a ruby-eyed girl that winked at Integra from under ebony bangs. A heartbeat passed and the girl exploded into a thousand bats that swirled through the shooting range and pooled together again into Alucard's familiar masculine image.

"Always so theatrical," she muttered. "Just how long did it take you to learn that?"

"More years than I care to recall." He gently lifted her healed arm. "Repairing wounds is rather simple. But trying to take another's form is much more difficult. Your body remembers its true shape, and will naturally gravitate toward what it knows. To become something else, you would need to be intimately familiar with all aspects of its form to the finest details."

"Is that how you learned to be a girl?"

Alucard's eyes kindled like embers as he brushed his lips against her wrist. "Would you like to find out?" he said in a low purr.

Yanking her hand free, Integra tried to ignore the tightness in her belly. "I'd rather not. I think you've caused enough trouble already."

The No-Life King chuckled, but did not protest.

Integra studied her arm, frowning. "You said it wouldn't hurt."

"I never said that," he admonished. "The trick is not minding that it hurts."

"So much for the theory of being super-human."

"Vampires are not super-human, my dear," Alucard's voice was strange. "They are not human at all."

For the sake of her pride, he pretended not to notice her shoulders flinch.

"Now," Integra glanced up in time to see a wicked sparkle of a devilish grin. "Are you ready to learn some _real_ tricks?"

* * *

**AN:** Sorry for the delay! Things went kinda crazy and I almost spent as much time away as at home this past month. I have the framework for the next chapters laid out, but don't have anything written yet - so there might be a longer publishing delay as I get things how I want them (drawbacks of being a perfectionist).


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